Childhood Shows the Man

“Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.”
-Fred Rogers of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood

 

Growing up is not easy. I remember adults saying, “Oh, don’t wish you were older than you are, childhood is a perfect place to be. Being an adult is hard.” I wonder what kind of childhood they had because I have yet to meet a child that doesn’t have difficulties before they are four feet tall. Life, at any age, can be tough, but it is how we handle it that makes us grow.

Ryder has truly hit “childhood” in my opinion. The days of infancy are gone and all decisions being made by Chris or I went with it. Ryder is learning the power of decisions, of will, of consequence. He made it across the street to his friend Oliver’s house the other week after a good twenty minutes of pep talk via himself at the bottom of the drive way. I waited patiently on the front steps and occasionally called from afar, “Okay, you can cross the court now…Are you going to go?”  Sweeping his feet through the gravel of the street gutter, he looked up at me, “Well yes…Um, um…soon.” He eventually made it there and stayed for a few hours. I admit it was a moment for me as well, knowing that what I encourage in him now can push him to explore and have confidence to do much more in life on his own. It’s bittersweet being a parent, that is for sure.

Just moments ago my stomach was in knots as he and Chris went head-to-head about peppers being consumed before jelly beans. It ultimately came down to Chris saying, “No, you don’t have to eat those three pieces of peppers, but that means you cannot have the three jelly beans for dessert. Your choice.” That brought Ryder to a whole new childhood level. No longer was it about forced consumption (which sometimes is still relevant!) but it was now about making a right decision. Never mind that fact that he just ate a bunch of them hidden in his scrambled eggs. Never mind the fact that they only truly became disgusting as soon as he was told he needed to eat them. Never mind the fact that he knows they are to be consumed to help him grow big and strong, not because we are torturing him. But the realization that he was now given the power to choose, to face the reward of jelly beans or not, was something entirely new.

He ate the peppers. With frustrated tears. But he ate them. And three green jelly beans soon followed. Triumph was in his step. Exhaustion was all over his sweet face. Respect for his Daddy grew yet again. Because childhood is hard, but it is so much more manageable when you know even during the hard decisions there is still a Daddy who loves you no matter what. I think the ordeal wore them both out:

Ryder has also learned to put on his own underpants and shorts in the morning (really, this was weeks of will vs. will – momma has got to win!). He has learned to use the potty in the mornings BEFORE he is allowed to play the iPad. He is learning how important it is to hug his sister and tell her he loves her even if she is scrabbling around in his business all the time. He is nearly able to completely buckle himself into his own car seat. These achievements are huge. They are building blocks to independence and responsibility. They help me out and teach him he can do more for himself and others.

I just pray for more compassion and patience through it all. There are days we regress and attitudes are ugly, where I want to lock him in his room and put in earplugs. But the goal is not perfection, the goal is growth in character. I think we are well on our way. I am so thankful to be a part of his childhood!

“The childhood shows the man
As morning shows the day.”
~John Milton, Paradise Regained